My back healed, activity was enabled, and life became interesting again. Boredom does pass - eventually. Especially with a game of Bible Trivia. It was years since I'd played a board game with adults. That's on my list of things to do more often. Twice a year would be more often...lol. Now that seems like an appropriate pastime for a board meeting. I might suggest it when I get to be in a board meeting... hehehehe.
Amusement aside, it was interesting to discover how a lack of wherewithal really struck home once I was bored, because my primary deflector of boredom is munching. But that wasn't what instigated Sunday morning's freak-out. Sunday was the 28th of the month, which is exactly a month before my departure. I began to dwell on the things that needed doing before then, like renewing my passport, applying for a travel visa, getting final travel vaccinations, buying a multitude of items (including a suitable travel bag)... all of which need money that I don't have. (Please bear in mind that I have come to this point through God's direction, not by accident. He has promised to provide everything in His way and in His time.) I have no worries at all about the trip itself, but watching God take prior events to the point where only He can fix them has caused a few freak-out moments. Having been there before, and not wanting to continue the feeling, I knew I needed to just spend time with God in praise and worship, which I proceeded to do.
I am finding that praising God is the best way into communion with Him. After spending some time with the Father, Jesus took over and carried me to a high point. By high point, I mean the top of a very narrow cone-shaped pinnacle that rose at least a hundred feet straight out of a large expanse of sea, and only had room for one pair of feet on top. There were a few other rock formations nearby, but no other land that I noticed, and the sea was very deep and held the threat of sharks, squid, octopus, and other sea monsters. Not a nice place to be; not a place I would take myself; a great spot for freaking out. The sky was a lovely blue, though...!
The important fact here is that Jesus had taken me there, and He was still there with me. At a time like this there are several options: freak out and freeze up, freak out and try to fall off, go crazy and try to dive off (the likelihood of diving out far enough to miss rock is limited, and survival in monster-infested water while swimming to unseen land is even less likely)...or cling to Jesus and trust Him to hold me. It was after some thought that I realised the falling/diving options were 'try to' only, because Jesus will hold me regardless of what I do. That makes most of those options just a waste of energy.
I chose to cling to Jesus. He kept repeating gently, "Just trust me. Just trust me." I looked down and saw that I was standing not on the rock, but on His feet. His feet were bare, and I could see the scars from His time on the cross. Clinging tight, with my face buried in His shoulder, I said, "I do trust You, but I'm still freaking out." But I wasn't quite so freaked out as I had been.
Things were going so well I didn't want to get out of bed to shower and get to church, but I did anyway. Knowing I still needed to stay in the worship zone, I went to church longing for a really good time of corporate free worship. It didn't happen. We worshipped, but it was the "Lord I give myself to You" type, rather than the "Lord, I praise You for being You" type. Nothing wrong with that, but it wasn't what I was yearning for, what I knew would move me from freaked to relaxed. Focus entirely off me and completely on God. I returned home after lunch with the vague intention of spending more time with God, worshipping alone. Instead I spent the time chatting. Now I wasn't sure if I was up or down (we came up with the conclusion of 'sideways'), because the chat was really good stuff, but I still had a desire to just spend time worshipping. I also was debating whether or not to go to our church's first monthly youth service, which was scheduled for 5pm till 6:30pm, followed by a sausage sizzle. The food was certainly an attraction because it would mean I wouldn't need to be fed at home, but once home I was inclined to stay put and relax. I decided to go.
It was an interesting evening, but once again my desire was unmet. It wasn't the sort of service that went into free worship, and while I did actually do that, it wasn't nearly enough, and came to an abrupt halt. I was glad I went, but still unsettled. Afterwards, I ate a sausage, drank some orange juice, spoke to a few people, and came home. Having been thwarted twice, an evening of worship was definitely on my programme, either by myself or with the home company if they would join me. After discussing the meeting with them, they weren't yet ready to swing into prayer and praise, so I headed for the dining room and the piano by myself.
It's amazing what praise to God does for the soul and spirit, and even for the body. Some forty-plus minutes later, I was awash with God's peace. An hour or so on top of that in joint praise and worship found me completely relaxed, more so than I had been for quite a few days. Hallelujah!
My point is: when you freak out, by far the best thing to do is cling tight to Jesus, and spend time in all-out worship of God.
Another observation: no matter to what heights or depths you go, Jesus is right there too.
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