Friendship

Frequently I ponder the ways and intricacies of friendship.  I've been doing so again today.  It amazes me the depths of feeling I can plunge to when considering friends.  Having had large expanses of loneliness in the last twenty years, the oases of friendship stand out clearly in my mind.
I recall being asked when I was seventeen what I had learned during the lonely times.  My answer was that I had learned to be a friend.  That was only partly true.  I knew that what I should have been doing during those times was turning to the Lord for companionship, and getting closer to Him.  I wanted that, but I was too focussed on escaping from my loneliness, using books, movies, and music as the means.  I was running and hiding from the heartache instead of running to the answer.  Most of the time I was quite happy, thoroughly enjoying my own company, but there would come days when I would be severely lonely, the lack of companionship increasingly unbearable, and the older I grew, the worse the bouts of loneliness became.  It was during those times that I most struggled with the increasing number of friends and acquaintances finding life-partners.  It took three separate stages over a dozen or so years for me to learn the lesson; that is, to seek comfort and companionship in the Lord first.  By the third round, I could see what was happening, and went into it with the sole intention of learning to do just that.  I didn't want to keep repeating the lesson for umpteen years!  And we were successful.  By 'we' I mean the Lord and I.  I can't make a friendship by myself (of course!), and He met me more than halfway.
That's not to say that I hadn't sought Him before, nor that it was easy, nor that I haven't had friends.  I have lots of good friends - in fact, when I stop to think about the number of close friends I have, I am amazed, both at the number and at the quality of friendship!  And I have sought my Lord.  Looking back over the years shows clearly the way He has drawn me steadily closer as I have cried out to Him.  But the point is that I needed to make Him always the first one I turn to, my first resource, my constant companion, my all in all, my everything!  Human friendships, no matter how strong and deep, can and do fail.  But when the heart is resting in the care of the Friend above all friends, it becomes a pleasure and an adventure to dive into friendships with others, and learn to truly be a friend, while drawing on the marvelous blessing of friendship given in return.  There is risk in opening up my heart and giving of myself to another, and friends should be chosen carefully, but if my closest friend is Jesus, then the fear of loneliness does not exist.  I begin to find that there is bountiful blessing in letting pure feelings go deep into my heart without expecting anything in return.  Loving because I choose to, and drawing on the love overflowing from my relationship with my Lord as the source for the others.
I am soon to be tested in this.  Having learned the lesson, God promptly provided me with a companionship that has become constant in a double friendship that goes very deep indeed.  A friendship that has promise of long endurance.  (And no, it's not a boyfriend! Lol.)  But I am soon to leave that constant companionship for a period of time.  The questions I ask my heart are: Will I maintain and increase the Heavenly relationship to the same degree without the helpful influence of the earthly relationships?  Will I be able to put everything I have into the life I'll be leading over there for eight months without being distracted by missing people back home (which is a complication I've never had before - I don't usually miss people)?  Can I do that  and still maintain the depth of relationship, or will I need to put that part of me on hold?  I already have most of the answer, though.  Knowing the resilience of my heart, my flexibility, and what I have learned of friendship, I'll adjust admirably, make more good friendships in the new place, and then have the joy of the return home, having grown in soul and spirit while away.  Even more so because friends at home will be praying for me.  How I thank God for friends!