Can you imagine trying to play a card game with God? Even if you do all the shuffling and dealing, He'll still know exactly where every card is. Being all-knowing and very clever, He can anticipate your every play, and play His own cards in a way that will make you play just the way He wants you to, even if you're entirely unaware of it. If you let Him take control of the pack from the start, no matter how the game goes, you'll be sure He stacked the deck...!
Today felt like being deep in a card game with God. I was gearing up to go on a course next week. God had (seemingly) cleared the way at the beginning of February for me to go to it, and I knew He could provide the funds required - what's three hundred dollars when you're expecting millions? Last week the course changed to a week earlier, which meant I brought my medical appointment forward and shuffled my Mum's visit. Cards dealt, shifted around, replayed... Then this morning while spending time with the Lord, I got the distinct impression that I wasn't to do the course. Not that it was bad or anything, but that it wasn't what the Lord wanted me to do.
Oh.
My cards fall out of my hand and I spend a few hours picking them up and trying to figure out if I missed something in the game or whether the Lord has just done a neat job of stacking the deck. Thrown quite off balance, I thought I'd sleep on it. But the feeling that I was right and needed to do something right away had my stomach in knots. I considered emailing the lady running the course, but thought phoning was a much better option. Looking up the phone number on the latest email, I discovered she was already in the area. Maybe I could speak to her in person! I texted her, and behold! she would be heading through town within half an hour. She could drop in.
So she did.
I'm not doing the course.
Sorted beautifully. I've been rearranged very neatly, and the expectancy is pretty high that the Lord has something specific in mind for next week. The medical appointment has been rescheduled for next Tuesday.
The extraordinary thing is that when playing card games with God, somehow we both win.
I feel wonderful! :o)
30 March, 2010
29 March, 2010
Solving the 'Freak-Out' Moments
My back healed, activity was enabled, and life became interesting again. Boredom does pass - eventually. Especially with a game of Bible Trivia. It was years since I'd played a board game with adults. That's on my list of things to do more often. Twice a year would be more often...lol. Now that seems like an appropriate pastime for a board meeting. I might suggest it when I get to be in a board meeting... hehehehe.
Amusement aside, it was interesting to discover how a lack of wherewithal really struck home once I was bored, because my primary deflector of boredom is munching. But that wasn't what instigated Sunday morning's freak-out. Sunday was the 28th of the month, which is exactly a month before my departure. I began to dwell on the things that needed doing before then, like renewing my passport, applying for a travel visa, getting final travel vaccinations, buying a multitude of items (including a suitable travel bag)... all of which need money that I don't have. (Please bear in mind that I have come to this point through God's direction, not by accident. He has promised to provide everything in His way and in His time.) I have no worries at all about the trip itself, but watching God take prior events to the point where only He can fix them has caused a few freak-out moments. Having been there before, and not wanting to continue the feeling, I knew I needed to just spend time with God in praise and worship, which I proceeded to do.
I am finding that praising God is the best way into communion with Him. After spending some time with the Father, Jesus took over and carried me to a high point. By high point, I mean the top of a very narrow cone-shaped pinnacle that rose at least a hundred feet straight out of a large expanse of sea, and only had room for one pair of feet on top. There were a few other rock formations nearby, but no other land that I noticed, and the sea was very deep and held the threat of sharks, squid, octopus, and other sea monsters. Not a nice place to be; not a place I would take myself; a great spot for freaking out. The sky was a lovely blue, though...!
The important fact here is that Jesus had taken me there, and He was still there with me. At a time like this there are several options: freak out and freeze up, freak out and try to fall off, go crazy and try to dive off (the likelihood of diving out far enough to miss rock is limited, and survival in monster-infested water while swimming to unseen land is even less likely)...or cling to Jesus and trust Him to hold me. It was after some thought that I realised the falling/diving options were 'try to' only, because Jesus will hold me regardless of what I do. That makes most of those options just a waste of energy.
I chose to cling to Jesus. He kept repeating gently, "Just trust me. Just trust me." I looked down and saw that I was standing not on the rock, but on His feet. His feet were bare, and I could see the scars from His time on the cross. Clinging tight, with my face buried in His shoulder, I said, "I do trust You, but I'm still freaking out." But I wasn't quite so freaked out as I had been.
Things were going so well I didn't want to get out of bed to shower and get to church, but I did anyway. Knowing I still needed to stay in the worship zone, I went to church longing for a really good time of corporate free worship. It didn't happen. We worshipped, but it was the "Lord I give myself to You" type, rather than the "Lord, I praise You for being You" type. Nothing wrong with that, but it wasn't what I was yearning for, what I knew would move me from freaked to relaxed. Focus entirely off me and completely on God. I returned home after lunch with the vague intention of spending more time with God, worshipping alone. Instead I spent the time chatting. Now I wasn't sure if I was up or down (we came up with the conclusion of 'sideways'), because the chat was really good stuff, but I still had a desire to just spend time worshipping. I also was debating whether or not to go to our church's first monthly youth service, which was scheduled for 5pm till 6:30pm, followed by a sausage sizzle. The food was certainly an attraction because it would mean I wouldn't need to be fed at home, but once home I was inclined to stay put and relax. I decided to go.
It was an interesting evening, but once again my desire was unmet. It wasn't the sort of service that went into free worship, and while I did actually do that, it wasn't nearly enough, and came to an abrupt halt. I was glad I went, but still unsettled. Afterwards, I ate a sausage, drank some orange juice, spoke to a few people, and came home. Having been thwarted twice, an evening of worship was definitely on my programme, either by myself or with the home company if they would join me. After discussing the meeting with them, they weren't yet ready to swing into prayer and praise, so I headed for the dining room and the piano by myself.
It's amazing what praise to God does for the soul and spirit, and even for the body. Some forty-plus minutes later, I was awash with God's peace. An hour or so on top of that in joint praise and worship found me completely relaxed, more so than I had been for quite a few days. Hallelujah!
My point is: when you freak out, by far the best thing to do is cling tight to Jesus, and spend time in all-out worship of God.
Another observation: no matter to what heights or depths you go, Jesus is right there too.
Amusement aside, it was interesting to discover how a lack of wherewithal really struck home once I was bored, because my primary deflector of boredom is munching. But that wasn't what instigated Sunday morning's freak-out. Sunday was the 28th of the month, which is exactly a month before my departure. I began to dwell on the things that needed doing before then, like renewing my passport, applying for a travel visa, getting final travel vaccinations, buying a multitude of items (including a suitable travel bag)... all of which need money that I don't have. (Please bear in mind that I have come to this point through God's direction, not by accident. He has promised to provide everything in His way and in His time.) I have no worries at all about the trip itself, but watching God take prior events to the point where only He can fix them has caused a few freak-out moments. Having been there before, and not wanting to continue the feeling, I knew I needed to just spend time with God in praise and worship, which I proceeded to do.
I am finding that praising God is the best way into communion with Him. After spending some time with the Father, Jesus took over and carried me to a high point. By high point, I mean the top of a very narrow cone-shaped pinnacle that rose at least a hundred feet straight out of a large expanse of sea, and only had room for one pair of feet on top. There were a few other rock formations nearby, but no other land that I noticed, and the sea was very deep and held the threat of sharks, squid, octopus, and other sea monsters. Not a nice place to be; not a place I would take myself; a great spot for freaking out. The sky was a lovely blue, though...!
The important fact here is that Jesus had taken me there, and He was still there with me. At a time like this there are several options: freak out and freeze up, freak out and try to fall off, go crazy and try to dive off (the likelihood of diving out far enough to miss rock is limited, and survival in monster-infested water while swimming to unseen land is even less likely)...or cling to Jesus and trust Him to hold me. It was after some thought that I realised the falling/diving options were 'try to' only, because Jesus will hold me regardless of what I do. That makes most of those options just a waste of energy.
I chose to cling to Jesus. He kept repeating gently, "Just trust me. Just trust me." I looked down and saw that I was standing not on the rock, but on His feet. His feet were bare, and I could see the scars from His time on the cross. Clinging tight, with my face buried in His shoulder, I said, "I do trust You, but I'm still freaking out." But I wasn't quite so freaked out as I had been.
Things were going so well I didn't want to get out of bed to shower and get to church, but I did anyway. Knowing I still needed to stay in the worship zone, I went to church longing for a really good time of corporate free worship. It didn't happen. We worshipped, but it was the "Lord I give myself to You" type, rather than the "Lord, I praise You for being You" type. Nothing wrong with that, but it wasn't what I was yearning for, what I knew would move me from freaked to relaxed. Focus entirely off me and completely on God. I returned home after lunch with the vague intention of spending more time with God, worshipping alone. Instead I spent the time chatting. Now I wasn't sure if I was up or down (we came up with the conclusion of 'sideways'), because the chat was really good stuff, but I still had a desire to just spend time worshipping. I also was debating whether or not to go to our church's first monthly youth service, which was scheduled for 5pm till 6:30pm, followed by a sausage sizzle. The food was certainly an attraction because it would mean I wouldn't need to be fed at home, but once home I was inclined to stay put and relax. I decided to go.
It was an interesting evening, but once again my desire was unmet. It wasn't the sort of service that went into free worship, and while I did actually do that, it wasn't nearly enough, and came to an abrupt halt. I was glad I went, but still unsettled. Afterwards, I ate a sausage, drank some orange juice, spoke to a few people, and came home. Having been thwarted twice, an evening of worship was definitely on my programme, either by myself or with the home company if they would join me. After discussing the meeting with them, they weren't yet ready to swing into prayer and praise, so I headed for the dining room and the piano by myself.
It's amazing what praise to God does for the soul and spirit, and even for the body. Some forty-plus minutes later, I was awash with God's peace. An hour or so on top of that in joint praise and worship found me completely relaxed, more so than I had been for quite a few days. Hallelujah!
My point is: when you freak out, by far the best thing to do is cling tight to Jesus, and spend time in all-out worship of God.
Another observation: no matter to what heights or depths you go, Jesus is right there too.
24 March, 2010
When Life Becomes Boring...While Waiting
What do you do when cross-stitch, movies/tv, music, and reading...everything to hand, in fact, holds no interest? When there's not enough fuel to go driving just for pleasure, nowhere interesting to go on foot, your back is still too sore for a lot of sitting or strenuous activity anyway (even if you could think of anything interesting), there's not enough food for boredom-eating, and no money to fix any of it? It does help to bump into a sister online for a bit of nonsense chatting; passes the time while lifting the spirits with a few laughs. But what then? A blog to spout on also takes up some of the slack time, but that won't hold for long - who wants to read (or write, for that matter) screeds of bored drivel?
How do you pass the time with nothing much to do after you've already been passing the time for some time?
How do you 'redeem the time' when there's a time lag?
How do you sit still and be content when you're itching to get to work on a work that has already been worked out but it's not time yet?
How do you do nothing when you've nothing to do it with? You could end up wishing you had nothing to do with it...!
What should you do when town living gets to be a bit too much, but the country living isn't due for at least one-plus-eight months?
What do you do when your life's dream is within reach, but your hands are tied - and you chose the tying and gave the release rights into God's hands?
It's the best way, but it does have its extreme moments - of boredom :( Grrr! I'm still in love with life, still rearing to go... but still tied up. Willingly, but not, if you get my meaning.
Ok, I'm done here. Carpe dium, and all that.
How do you pass the time with nothing much to do after you've already been passing the time for some time?
How do you 'redeem the time' when there's a time lag?
How do you sit still and be content when you're itching to get to work on a work that has already been worked out but it's not time yet?
How do you do nothing when you've nothing to do it with? You could end up wishing you had nothing to do with it...!
What should you do when town living gets to be a bit too much, but the country living isn't due for at least one-plus-eight months?
What do you do when your life's dream is within reach, but your hands are tied - and you chose the tying and gave the release rights into God's hands?
It's the best way, but it does have its extreme moments - of boredom :( Grrr! I'm still in love with life, still rearing to go... but still tied up. Willingly, but not, if you get my meaning.
Ok, I'm done here. Carpe dium, and all that.
20 March, 2010
Friendship (2)
It is interesting to observe how friendships come and go. Some friends I've known casually for years, then something threw or drew us closer together and I suddenly found a friendship where there was for so long merely an acquaintance. I have friends who to begin with were only 'my sister's friend' when we were children and youths, but time and/or geography have forged a friendship of our own. Facebook has re-introduced friends from years ago, but in many cases has actually outlined how far apart we can become. Not that either has taken a bad direction, but merely that there is no commonality to recreate a bond. It is interesting to see what they're up to, but there is no cause to strike up a conversation. Some friends have been very close for a short period of time, and number among the oases in the desert of loneliness that used to exist, but our paths have since diverged, and contact is rare. Perhaps we'll never meet again, but that's okay. Perhaps we will meet again, and that friendship may begin again, or even take off from where it was left; some friendships do that. Then again, it might not, but that's okay too. Friendship is sweet, but turns sour when you cling too tight.
I won't deny that I have a great need for solid friendship - we were, after all, created for companionship - but my early friendships were filled with my need for them, my wish that they would like me best, that they would fulfill my need...entirely selfish, which is why I had to learn to be a friend, as well as learn to find my fulfillment and completion in my Lord Jesus Christ.
Some friendships aren't really friendships at all. There is no bond. They are simply the result of two people (sometimes with practically nothing in common) being thrown together for a while by circumstances and responding amicably. They may be the best option for companionship at that time. Once the circumstances change, the ways part and little more is thought of it.
I find the most amazing friendships are the ones that spring up suddenly out of nowhere. Within days of meeting a person properly for the first time, a bond is created, and within only weeks you wonder what life was like without it. This has happened to me more than once, and I find it wonderfully astonishing.
And then there are the friendships that go deep, but one side grows and matures faster than the other, or only one gets married and into all that entails, and the common ground is lost - or perhaps more accurately, the one left behind can't quite find the right communication channel. Somehow that bond remains, the friendship is still cherished, occasional meetings are warm though brief. Until the one who was left behind catches up...or finds the right wavelength.
My favourite quote about friendship is: "Friends are those people who walk into our life and find a home in our heart."
I won't deny that I have a great need for solid friendship - we were, after all, created for companionship - but my early friendships were filled with my need for them, my wish that they would like me best, that they would fulfill my need...entirely selfish, which is why I had to learn to be a friend, as well as learn to find my fulfillment and completion in my Lord Jesus Christ.
Some friendships aren't really friendships at all. There is no bond. They are simply the result of two people (sometimes with practically nothing in common) being thrown together for a while by circumstances and responding amicably. They may be the best option for companionship at that time. Once the circumstances change, the ways part and little more is thought of it.
I find the most amazing friendships are the ones that spring up suddenly out of nowhere. Within days of meeting a person properly for the first time, a bond is created, and within only weeks you wonder what life was like without it. This has happened to me more than once, and I find it wonderfully astonishing.
And then there are the friendships that go deep, but one side grows and matures faster than the other, or only one gets married and into all that entails, and the common ground is lost - or perhaps more accurately, the one left behind can't quite find the right communication channel. Somehow that bond remains, the friendship is still cherished, occasional meetings are warm though brief. Until the one who was left behind catches up...or finds the right wavelength.
My favourite quote about friendship is: "Friends are those people who walk into our life and find a home in our heart."
Friendship
Frequently I ponder the ways and intricacies of friendship. I've been doing so again today. It amazes me the depths of feeling I can plunge to when considering friends. Having had large expanses of loneliness in the last twenty years, the oases of friendship stand out clearly in my mind.
I recall being asked when I was seventeen what I had learned during the lonely times. My answer was that I had learned to be a friend. That was only partly true. I knew that what I should have been doing during those times was turning to the Lord for companionship, and getting closer to Him. I wanted that, but I was too focussed on escaping from my loneliness, using books, movies, and music as the means. I was running and hiding from the heartache instead of running to the answer. Most of the time I was quite happy, thoroughly enjoying my own company, but there would come days when I would be severely lonely, the lack of companionship increasingly unbearable, and the older I grew, the worse the bouts of loneliness became. It was during those times that I most struggled with the increasing number of friends and acquaintances finding life-partners. It took three separate stages over a dozen or so years for me to learn the lesson; that is, to seek comfort and companionship in the Lord first. By the third round, I could see what was happening, and went into it with the sole intention of learning to do just that. I didn't want to keep repeating the lesson for umpteen years! And we were successful. By 'we' I mean the Lord and I. I can't make a friendship by myself (of course!), and He met me more than halfway.
That's not to say that I hadn't sought Him before, nor that it was easy, nor that I haven't had friends. I have lots of good friends - in fact, when I stop to think about the number of close friends I have, I am amazed, both at the number and at the quality of friendship! And I have sought my Lord. Looking back over the years shows clearly the way He has drawn me steadily closer as I have cried out to Him. But the point is that I needed to make Him always the first one I turn to, my first resource, my constant companion, my all in all, my everything! Human friendships, no matter how strong and deep, can and do fail. But when the heart is resting in the care of the Friend above all friends, it becomes a pleasure and an adventure to dive into friendships with others, and learn to truly be a friend, while drawing on the marvelous blessing of friendship given in return. There is risk in opening up my heart and giving of myself to another, and friends should be chosen carefully, but if my closest friend is Jesus, then the fear of loneliness does not exist. I begin to find that there is bountiful blessing in letting pure feelings go deep into my heart without expecting anything in return. Loving because I choose to, and drawing on the love overflowing from my relationship with my Lord as the source for the others.
I am soon to be tested in this. Having learned the lesson, God promptly provided me with a companionship that has become constant in a double friendship that goes very deep indeed. A friendship that has promise of long endurance. (And no, it's not a boyfriend! Lol.) But I am soon to leave that constant companionship for a period of time. The questions I ask my heart are: Will I maintain and increase the Heavenly relationship to the same degree without the helpful influence of the earthly relationships? Will I be able to put everything I have into the life I'll be leading over there for eight months without being distracted by missing people back home (which is a complication I've never had before - I don't usually miss people)? Can I do that and still maintain the depth of relationship, or will I need to put that part of me on hold? I already have most of the answer, though. Knowing the resilience of my heart, my flexibility, and what I have learned of friendship, I'll adjust admirably, make more good friendships in the new place, and then have the joy of the return home, having grown in soul and spirit while away. Even more so because friends at home will be praying for me. How I thank God for friends!
I recall being asked when I was seventeen what I had learned during the lonely times. My answer was that I had learned to be a friend. That was only partly true. I knew that what I should have been doing during those times was turning to the Lord for companionship, and getting closer to Him. I wanted that, but I was too focussed on escaping from my loneliness, using books, movies, and music as the means. I was running and hiding from the heartache instead of running to the answer. Most of the time I was quite happy, thoroughly enjoying my own company, but there would come days when I would be severely lonely, the lack of companionship increasingly unbearable, and the older I grew, the worse the bouts of loneliness became. It was during those times that I most struggled with the increasing number of friends and acquaintances finding life-partners. It took three separate stages over a dozen or so years for me to learn the lesson; that is, to seek comfort and companionship in the Lord first. By the third round, I could see what was happening, and went into it with the sole intention of learning to do just that. I didn't want to keep repeating the lesson for umpteen years! And we were successful. By 'we' I mean the Lord and I. I can't make a friendship by myself (of course!), and He met me more than halfway.
That's not to say that I hadn't sought Him before, nor that it was easy, nor that I haven't had friends. I have lots of good friends - in fact, when I stop to think about the number of close friends I have, I am amazed, both at the number and at the quality of friendship! And I have sought my Lord. Looking back over the years shows clearly the way He has drawn me steadily closer as I have cried out to Him. But the point is that I needed to make Him always the first one I turn to, my first resource, my constant companion, my all in all, my everything! Human friendships, no matter how strong and deep, can and do fail. But when the heart is resting in the care of the Friend above all friends, it becomes a pleasure and an adventure to dive into friendships with others, and learn to truly be a friend, while drawing on the marvelous blessing of friendship given in return. There is risk in opening up my heart and giving of myself to another, and friends should be chosen carefully, but if my closest friend is Jesus, then the fear of loneliness does not exist. I begin to find that there is bountiful blessing in letting pure feelings go deep into my heart without expecting anything in return. Loving because I choose to, and drawing on the love overflowing from my relationship with my Lord as the source for the others.
I am soon to be tested in this. Having learned the lesson, God promptly provided me with a companionship that has become constant in a double friendship that goes very deep indeed. A friendship that has promise of long endurance. (And no, it's not a boyfriend! Lol.) But I am soon to leave that constant companionship for a period of time. The questions I ask my heart are: Will I maintain and increase the Heavenly relationship to the same degree without the helpful influence of the earthly relationships? Will I be able to put everything I have into the life I'll be leading over there for eight months without being distracted by missing people back home (which is a complication I've never had before - I don't usually miss people)? Can I do that and still maintain the depth of relationship, or will I need to put that part of me on hold? I already have most of the answer, though. Knowing the resilience of my heart, my flexibility, and what I have learned of friendship, I'll adjust admirably, make more good friendships in the new place, and then have the joy of the return home, having grown in soul and spirit while away. Even more so because friends at home will be praying for me. How I thank God for friends!
18 March, 2010
Perfect Peace
Autumn is making its presence felt. Colder temperatures make extra blankets on the bed and a warm fire in the lounge necessary comforts. I am sitting by the latter doing what has this morning been labeled 'knitting'. Cross-stitch and computer at the same time: "cross two, backstitch four, type to the end of the line"...! Lol. It actually works quite well. I stitch while I think, then when I've thought enough, I type. And then when I run out of thoughts to type, I stitch and think some more.
Chocolate (with thanks for people who give tasty gifts) along with a hot milo rounds out that cosy feeling.
But nothing compares to that Peace that passes understanding. Nothing, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, compares to the peace and joy of walking with God. Though circumstances and choices made seem to defy reason and sense, yet the peace within gives a certain knowing that all is right between me and God, and I'm exactly where He wants me to be, doing what He wants me to be doing.
I will not walk the way others walk, and none can walk my walk. Each must walk as God leads. That's what personal faith is. If you haven't got complete peace about doing something, don't do it! That's what being shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace is all about. If you're not standing firm in the peace of God, you're on shaky ground, and will fall before you can fight.
Psalm 34:14, "Depart from evil, and do good; seek peace, and pursue it."
Chocolate (with thanks for people who give tasty gifts) along with a hot milo rounds out that cosy feeling.
But nothing compares to that Peace that passes understanding. Nothing, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, compares to the peace and joy of walking with God. Though circumstances and choices made seem to defy reason and sense, yet the peace within gives a certain knowing that all is right between me and God, and I'm exactly where He wants me to be, doing what He wants me to be doing.
I will not walk the way others walk, and none can walk my walk. Each must walk as God leads. That's what personal faith is. If you haven't got complete peace about doing something, don't do it! That's what being shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace is all about. If you're not standing firm in the peace of God, you're on shaky ground, and will fall before you can fight.
Psalm 34:14, "Depart from evil, and do good; seek peace, and pursue it."
16 March, 2010
Life Is Grand
The sky is blue, the hedge is green with delicate white (jasmine) and and not-so-delicate pink (geranium) flowers, the sun is shining warmly over my legs as I recline on my bed, and I wonder what I should write here. In the next room, Shine TV is playing, but most of what the man (Joseph Prince) is saying is a blur, largely because of his accent. Something about Philippians 4:8, 'good report', 'think on these things'. That's rather a contrast to "Trauma," the recorded medical drama that was playing before.
I still haven't managed to compact all my stuff into one bedroom, in spite of recycling or throwing out a lot of stuff. Several boxes and bags are still stacked in the hallway.
Yesterday was productive, getting washing done, floors vacuum cleaned, kitchen floor washed, skirting boards and dishwasher wiped, laundry tub and washer scrubbed... lots of cleaning! Then when I'd done enough of that sort of thing, I returned to the book I was reading, "The Shack". I used to read a lot. I could get totally lost in a book and even calling my name didn't always bring me out. Books were my escape. But now, it's really hard to stay focussed on a story. I'm not precisely sure what changed, but perhaps my own life has become so exciting that reading about someone else's, no matter how well written, just doesn't hold me. Anyway, I am rarely to be found with a novel in hand these days, and completing one is even more rare, so for me to highly recommend "The Shack" says a lot. I didn't read it all in one gulp, because it was nice to put it aside and dwell on the images and thoughts presented while I did other things, but there was no difficulty in picking it up again for the next swallow. Yes, I think you could say that I drank it in. I would quite happily believe it to be a true story, though it is a work of fiction, for my own experience had already made introductions. Hehe, you'd have to read the book to understand that comment! But while much of it was just going deeper into what I already knew, there were some new thoughts provoked as well. If you haven't read it already, please do!
But that was yesterday. Today I'm being pleasantly lazy. With the load of washing hung, I went for a walk up the road late morning. There are paddocks on one side, and it soon becomes more country than town. I didn't go far, but stopped by a sun-drenched paddock and stood gazing at nothing much, enjoying the autumn warmth of the sun and thinking pleasant thoughts. Close by is a concrete tank on a low concrete platform, which soon became my seat. I sat for nearly half an hour, enjoying the feel of being in the country again, mind meandering gently, dwelling on a future return to farming, while my spirit radiated a quiet joy and peace. Those remain still, along with a delightful wonder at the presence of the Holy Spirit.
Does this seem idle? Filling my days with chatting, housework (when the feeling takes me or it is asked of me, which actually isn't all that often), cross-stitch, reading (Christian non-fiction), computer, ummm... what else do I do? Sounds idle to me! I sit - or lie or stand, however the moment finds me - and ask the Lord, "How long before I get into some action?" All the while I fill up with this amazing bubble of contentment, knowing that when the Lord does provide the means to go into action, there will be plenty to do and I shall look back on these days of rest as... days of rest! Lol.
Confused? I'll back up a bit. I'm unemployed. I have no money. I know God has led me to this point so I'm not trying to fix it (coz it ain't broke, LOL). The couple that I live with are unemployed (brought about because of direct instruction from God - and incredibly, God used me to give the confirmation of the timing - that was amazing!), and also have no money. We have been preparing for what the Lord has laid on our hearts, and now we await the provision so we can go into action. It is an extraordinary position to be in. It's one of those things that you shouldn't even think of trying without the Lord's direction, but if He tells you to do it, you'd better!
On top of that, I'm going to Borneo in a little over six weeks' time. Occasionally I freak out about all that lies ahead, but I come back to the question, "Do I trust God enough to let Him take me to the point where it is humanly impossible to accomplish His promises?" And my answer is always, "Yes!" And then His promise that He will never leave me nor forsake me. And that I can do all things through Christ. And that His strength is made perfect in my weakness. And that He loves me - unfathomably and inseparably. And I love Him - more and more. Ohhh, life is sooo GRAND!
And this post is way too long again! hehehehe
I still haven't managed to compact all my stuff into one bedroom, in spite of recycling or throwing out a lot of stuff. Several boxes and bags are still stacked in the hallway.
Yesterday was productive, getting washing done, floors vacuum cleaned, kitchen floor washed, skirting boards and dishwasher wiped, laundry tub and washer scrubbed... lots of cleaning! Then when I'd done enough of that sort of thing, I returned to the book I was reading, "The Shack". I used to read a lot. I could get totally lost in a book and even calling my name didn't always bring me out. Books were my escape. But now, it's really hard to stay focussed on a story. I'm not precisely sure what changed, but perhaps my own life has become so exciting that reading about someone else's, no matter how well written, just doesn't hold me. Anyway, I am rarely to be found with a novel in hand these days, and completing one is even more rare, so for me to highly recommend "The Shack" says a lot. I didn't read it all in one gulp, because it was nice to put it aside and dwell on the images and thoughts presented while I did other things, but there was no difficulty in picking it up again for the next swallow. Yes, I think you could say that I drank it in. I would quite happily believe it to be a true story, though it is a work of fiction, for my own experience had already made introductions. Hehe, you'd have to read the book to understand that comment! But while much of it was just going deeper into what I already knew, there were some new thoughts provoked as well. If you haven't read it already, please do!
But that was yesterday. Today I'm being pleasantly lazy. With the load of washing hung, I went for a walk up the road late morning. There are paddocks on one side, and it soon becomes more country than town. I didn't go far, but stopped by a sun-drenched paddock and stood gazing at nothing much, enjoying the autumn warmth of the sun and thinking pleasant thoughts. Close by is a concrete tank on a low concrete platform, which soon became my seat. I sat for nearly half an hour, enjoying the feel of being in the country again, mind meandering gently, dwelling on a future return to farming, while my spirit radiated a quiet joy and peace. Those remain still, along with a delightful wonder at the presence of the Holy Spirit.
Does this seem idle? Filling my days with chatting, housework (when the feeling takes me or it is asked of me, which actually isn't all that often), cross-stitch, reading (Christian non-fiction), computer, ummm... what else do I do? Sounds idle to me! I sit - or lie or stand, however the moment finds me - and ask the Lord, "How long before I get into some action?" All the while I fill up with this amazing bubble of contentment, knowing that when the Lord does provide the means to go into action, there will be plenty to do and I shall look back on these days of rest as... days of rest! Lol.
Confused? I'll back up a bit. I'm unemployed. I have no money. I know God has led me to this point so I'm not trying to fix it (coz it ain't broke, LOL). The couple that I live with are unemployed (brought about because of direct instruction from God - and incredibly, God used me to give the confirmation of the timing - that was amazing!), and also have no money. We have been preparing for what the Lord has laid on our hearts, and now we await the provision so we can go into action. It is an extraordinary position to be in. It's one of those things that you shouldn't even think of trying without the Lord's direction, but if He tells you to do it, you'd better!
On top of that, I'm going to Borneo in a little over six weeks' time. Occasionally I freak out about all that lies ahead, but I come back to the question, "Do I trust God enough to let Him take me to the point where it is humanly impossible to accomplish His promises?" And my answer is always, "Yes!" And then His promise that He will never leave me nor forsake me. And that I can do all things through Christ. And that His strength is made perfect in my weakness. And that He loves me - unfathomably and inseparably. And I love Him - more and more. Ohhh, life is sooo GRAND!
And this post is way too long again! hehehehe
15 March, 2010
Beyond imagination.
My heart is too full to say nothing! The image comes to mind of a cup overflowing, but this is no ordinary-size mug, it's a huge bucket, bursting at seams and through holes all over. It is a bigness of feeling that must be shared... an overflowing of grace and love and blessing that must not be contained but spill over others... a bounty that is too great for a fullstop at the end of a complete sentence...
I live in the now while looking back and forward, and my heart, soul, and spirit are like a tumbling stream, crystal clear yet unable to be caught and stilled, dancing in the sun, ducking into quiet, shaded pools, then gurgling merrily out into the sunshine again. Not all days have been like this - the past week has been much of a roller-coaster ride - but through all is that Peace that passes all understanding. I am shod with it, and stand firm, secure on the Rock, even when the storms rage and wild winds blow and all I can do is stand. But by the grace of God I outstand the storm, and can once again fight, or simply leap all over the Rock in delight!
I would that all would come to meet my Lord as I have met Him! The Father, who held me on his lap, curled into His shoulder in total security and love, while He held a conversation over my head with Jesus and the Holy Spirit...! Jesus... hugs, dances, laughter, quiet contemplation, facing fears, swimming, flying, working heart changes, grins, walks, more hugs... And then finally, I met the Holy Spirit, my teacher... instruction, creativity, warfare, walks, wisdom, laughter, swimming, hugs, instruction, warfare, understanding... To sit (in the middle of an indoor church service) on a huge log with Jesus and tell Him that I have given him everything, and that with all of my being I want Him to be glorified, and have Him respond, "Yes. I will be glorified."
Oh, this is but a fraction of what can be experienced! To the questions, 'How does God communicate with us? How do you hear from God?' I can now not only say, 'Through inner conviction, through verses of the Bible brought to clear notice,' but also, 'He speaks, and I hear!'
Often I had heard of such a relationship, often did I wonder, 'does that person actually hear Him?' but I doubted (though I hoped) that I could attain to such a relationship. Oh, believe it! It is possible! And sooo desirable!
Update
More changes! I'm still out of farming - for the moment - but I shifted to a boarding situation in Rangiora in January, then back to Amberley in February ... to board with the neighbours right next door to where I was living before! I'm booked to fly out of Auckland to Borneo at 2a.m. on April 29 (only 6.5 weeks to go!), returning to that same airport 8 months later on January 1st, 2011.
The best changes, though, have been in the development of the relationship I have with God my Lord. Words tumble through my mind, trying to put it into a picture that is readable for anyone outside of the journey, but words fail me. I'll settle for the insufficient, 'My heart is full.'
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